By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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