i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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