I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
