it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
