isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
