I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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