im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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