my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
