i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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