you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am spending my child support on dildos
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
