Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
