I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
