Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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