Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
