they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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