she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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