k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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