if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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