Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
