it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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