the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
