Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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