I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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