The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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