is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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