tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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