I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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