i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
