Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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