I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
