they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
