last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Four minutes until I can fart!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
