love makes seman taste better
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
