My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
