Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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