Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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