Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
