im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
