you guys were way drunker than both of me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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