Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
