ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize