So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
