wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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