I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
