Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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