I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
