we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
