just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
