Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
