Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
