So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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