I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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