what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
