its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
