I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I want a musical about memes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
