***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
