She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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