I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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