How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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