Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
