All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize