Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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