and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize