Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
