miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize