you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
