My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize