I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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