He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
